Hey Potty People!
Hope you all had a great Father’s Day Weekend!
Well… its official… Summer is HERE!
We have found ourselves using these artificial holidays as a way to track the passing of days …
It’s kind of like Groundhog Day… but without the ability to go out to eat… no Groundhogs… and while we are at it… no gatherings of people celebrating anything whatsoever… Yay 2020!
Well… at least there aren’t any animals telling us that Winter is right around the corner… just Sunny weather… and A LOT of time to do things!
While we here at POTTYMINTS are abiding by all the recommendations of the Doctors and the CDC… we wanted to take a quick moment to go over Three rules we have for when (and if) you decide to gather with other people this summer!
While you have heard this rule being discussed ad nauseam…
Let’s be honest… we could all use a reminder on this – (it doesn’t hurt!)
Rather than go over the safety reasons why you should wear a mask in public, we wanted to go over the Social ADVANTAGES of wearing a mask at a Summer gathering!
Masks are absolutely perfect for privately talking about the other people at the social gathering… without them reading your lips … or even assuming you are talking about them.
Remember when Karen and her husband left dinner early without paying for their part of the bill?
Well… since you have been putting off for 6 years now… and you find yourself at Karen’s BBQ… Why not discuss it NOW!
It’s not like Karen ever apologized… (classic Karen)
We refer to this as the “Social Gathering Ventriloquist”…
… or for your religious folks… this is the 2020 version of Christian “Confession”
It’s cheaper than a therapy session… and you can drink alcohol while doing it (… it doesn’t get much better than that!)
Also… while on the subject of Masks… because they cover your mouth, the whole embarrassing concept of having something stuck in your teeth… is now a thing of the past!
Lastly… for you ladies… think of all the time you are now saving by not having to apply and reapply lipstick… just saying…
Rule #2:
Don’t Use Your Fingers to Pick up or Eat Food from a communal plate
We shouldn’t have to say this rule… even before the Covid Pandemic
Not exactly sure why we are even taking the time to say this one… but my god… please stop picking up food off the communal plate with your hands…
We understand you and your family went on a transformative trip to Ethiopia back in 2011 which made you rethink our dependence on using silverware…
But once again Karen… now is not the time or place to make your guests feel even more uncomfortable than they already are…
You decided to serve hot soup on a 96 Degree day… during a BBQ… REALLY KAREN?!?!
We understand your husband is a big fan of both Pigs in a Blanket and “The Claw Machine” at Dave and Busters… but please tell him to use a fork or a tooth pick.
Hors d'oeuvres are for everyone… that’s why we all agree to use a French word we all can’t pronounce or spell to describe them… so that we all struggle.
Much like we all struggle with bite size portions of any food.
Rule #3:
Decide if the Summer Gathering is REALLY Worth it to Even Go To
Trust us… we want nothing more than for things to get back to normal.
As born and raised New Yorkers… it is strange to say the least that the city that never sleeps… is currently on “Do Not Disturb” mode
BUT, that being said… Pre-Covid one of our favorite things to do in life… yes, in life – was finding out ANY way imaginable to get out of going to an event or party.
Never has there been an easier time to do exactly that…
While my sister, Suzanna, was pregnant with my niece Rafa… I used to tell her that she needs to take FULL advantage of what I called … “The Golden Ticket”
Yes. Much like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory… she had been given the keys to the chocolate factory in terms of getting out of almost anything.
Did you book the middle seat on the plane? No worries!
Use the Golden ticket and let your row know that you need to “move around for the baby”… Aisle seat it is!
Did your Mother in-law ask you to show her how Instagram works?
Well… a simple “the baby is not sleeping” text is enough to put that off for at least another year!
The Golden Ticket works the same way for these strange times we are living in!
Were you supposed to go to “Karen’s 96 Degree Summer Soup-a-palooza BBQ”?
Well… Use the newly rebranded “COVID Golden Ticket” and leave Karen a voicemail like a young Ferris Bueller… occasionally coughing into the phone… and there you have it! Success!
You are FREE to resume watching The Office in its entirety for the 7th time this year!
Karen and her disgusting husband can suck it!
_________
While some reading this blog may think these rules are a bit extreme… since we are in the Bathroom business…
Think of all these precautions as “the courtesy flush” of Social Interactions
Does it take much to care for the next person… no!
Does it make the experience of being with you much better… yes!
Well… we hope all of you POTTY People make the most of this summer and we will keep making situations a little more bearable with our little suggestions/rules for the rest of us!
Have a great week and check back in to the POTTYMINTS Blog for more!
POTTYMINTS
